Crime

Crime jokes

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Murder

  • Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

    Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

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    Rape

  • It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.

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  • Molestation

  • Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!

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    Children

  • A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

    Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

    Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

    Priest: "Fuck the children."

    Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

    Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

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    Player

  • Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.

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  • Pig

  • Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.

    Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

    Class: A cow says "moo moo."

    Teacher: Good!

    Teacher: What does a sheep make?

    Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."

    Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?

    Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"

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