Crime

Crime jokes

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Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?

Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

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    • A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!

    A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"

    I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

    I got the joke from my brother.

    Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.

    What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

    Cassie.

    Get it?

    I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...

    I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...