Crime jokes
when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...
Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says "moo moo."
Teacher: Good!
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.
Carly: Hey do [you] want to have sex? [Age] (43)
Zina: No! [Age] (10)
Carly: Good cause I can make you do it anyway! [Age] (43)
What do you spot in this place that [is] gay!
Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit. Had a new mash, just landed. Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it. The verbal ting I can't stand it. Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it. Mad ting. Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it. Back on a Feltham landing. You ain't been in the hood like Robin. I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud). The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud). No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped. Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue that's dead.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Rape
Rape who?
I go rape you!
Hahaahahahaha Please comment: Bad or good!
90,900,00,1090,279402% of girls are raped. 67% of women are raped. So I guess girls are sexier than women! Who agrees? Please comment: Good or Bad.
Leo: Mom?
Mom: Yes!
Leo: Is rape good?
Mom: NO!
Leo: Good cause I raped someone!
Mom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!