Crime jokes

I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.

Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?

"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."

What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?

They both came from behind and crushed them.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.

"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

This car in RC-XD.

Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.

My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.

Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?

So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?

"I CAN'T BREATHE!"

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

Why do orphans play GTA?

So they can feel wanted.