Crime jokes
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.
Student one orphan: I don't have any.
Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?
Student one orphan: What!
Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.