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Crime

Crime jokes

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

  • 0

    • Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

    Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

    The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

    What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

    My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.

    What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?

    Little kids leave preschool.

  • 9

    • What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?

    A KinderGarden.

  • 0

    • What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

    They both get turned on by kids.

  • 0

    • I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.