Conversion jokes

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

What did the traffic light say to the other?

"Hey, stop looking at me! I'm changing!"

What did A say to Y?

"You cannot be alpha like me." :)

Y said, "Why? (Y)"

How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?

Add the "S."

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

What did the Blonde say to the other Blonde?

They don’t know; they couldn’t figure out what to say.

"freshfry talk to me!"

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning, how are you today?

Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

The umpire and the catcher were having a conversation. The runner slid into home, “I slid into this conversation.”

What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?

"Ground beef!"

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

What did the fork say to the spoon?

Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!