Conversation jokes
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Kid: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?
Me:?
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...