What did the north tower say to the south tower?
"Let’s talk later, I gotta catch a plane."
What did the rope say to me?
"hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don't like going to school
Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey
Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
A Pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers, the passenger asks, "Why did you become a Pilot?" The Pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says "You're afraid of heights?". "No, i'm afraid of dying alone".
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : *raises hand* Teacher : ... The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
*on a date* me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - "I'm a butcher."
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out... The tree ghosted her
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
what did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? same time next month?
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used too, but don't anymore.
Person: why'd you stop?
Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street? Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
A pedophile is chatting on the internet : "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
People judge me because im quiet
no one plans a massacre out loud
