Conversation jokes
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I'mma cashew outside!
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
Anyone wanna talk? I'm bored.
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.
Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.
I'm so frickin' bored! Please, somebody want to chat? PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!
I'm as bored as heck, someone wanna chat?
Wassup? (DYM 109)
What did the bus say to the mail?
Dog.
Moo!
Cow: I was just about to say that!
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
Let's talk.
This is two heads.
Deaf. "Deep water." ""
- "78 years."
Are you interested again? ""
"If you go ... you are there."
"No. 85 is good."
What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.
Knock knock. Who’s there? We ask the questions!!!!!!!!
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy