Conversation jokes
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Once I saw a retard and an Alberta separatist having a conversation.
Well, actually, it was just the Alberta separatist talking to himself.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.
Knock knock. Who’s there? We ask the questions!!!!!!!!
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
This is two heads.
Deaf. "Deep water." ""
- "78 years."
Are you interested again? ""
"If you go ... you are there."
"No. 85 is good."
What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.