Conversation Jokes

A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.

She told her, "Hey, long time no see."

Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?

Friends: No, what is it?

Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.

Me: John, what did he do earlier?

John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.

Me: I thought I smelled poop.

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A murderer.

A murderer who--

Is cut off by being murdered.

A man is pouring olive oil on a salad from a very large bottle. Above the bottle, the text reads "The existence of the spiderverse means there's a Spiderman who shoots webs from his penis." Above the man's head, the word 'me' appears. At the bottom, 'a normal conversation'.

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?

What did the cookie say to the milk?

What’s up duud?

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?

Nah, it's too cheesy.

Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.

P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.

P2: Airplane wifi.

Gf: Hi.

Bf: Hi.

Gf: Did you eat yet?

Bf: Did you eat yet?

Gf: Are you copying me?

Bf: Are you coping me??

Gf: I love you.

Bf: Yeah, I ate already.

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

This is the true worst joke ever:

What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?

Hi!

Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?

Crush: Candice.

Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?

Crush: *slaps me, walks away*

Dad: I'm dying.

Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].

Dad: Really, now is not the time.

Son: I'm sorry.

Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇