Computer jokes

American: How do you use a PC?

Amish: We use a potato.

How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used windows.

What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?

The Windows shutdown sound plays.

Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?

Because they had a connection.

How did the inkjet printer kill himself?

He drank cyan-ide.

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

Yo mama is so fat, a rogue shadowstepped her and got a loading screen.

Yo mama so FAT, she can't handle files bigger than 4 GB.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"