Computer jokes
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?
Kiss my ASCII!
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
Why can't orphans open a website?
Because they don't have a home page.
Are you interested in it?
More than two boot branches.
What did the rapper say to the computer?
“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...
Looks like URL encoding is enabled for special characters inside comments. Good job to whoever developed this website!
Yo mama was so dumb, he didn't know how to turn on his computer.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.
I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"