Comparison jokes

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

You're so short that you build a tiny house for yourself.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.

If your hairline was a river, it would meander left, right, and backwards.

Your hairline is so bad it was used as the Starbucks logo!

Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.

Tada mun ang hai jiwain taage naal khota bania Honda ae.

I ass big ass you :-)

There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.

Me.

The joke is as short as me.

Wanna know what's worse than 5 babies in one dumpster?

1 baby in 5 dumpsters.....

What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?

One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.

Does that dick match that forehead? 👀

Americans leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?

A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.