Comparison jokes

Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.

Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.

Why did the octopus cry?

Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!

If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.

Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.

Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.

what do baby’s and grenades have in common?

They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise

What does Biden do? He does you.

What does do something useful unlike you?

What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?

Both are not a lamp.

What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.