Comparison jokes
Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples got picked.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
"Rapeboat" makes Elton John seem straight.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
Your forehead is so big that your name is Humpty Dumpty, the big forehead!
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.