Comparison jokes

Your hairline goes back to when Jeff Bezos had hair.

What is a similarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions.

Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.

What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.

The cashew called the peanut boring.

The peanut felt very unsalted.

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg.

73 Earths can fit in Uranus.

Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.

Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?

A: Because knives don't have barrels.

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.

Walking is just running with extra steps.

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?

About 140 calories.

Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?

At least Hitler killed himself.

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.

What's the difference between a fish and a car?

You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3