Comparison jokes
Yo hairline so long, it makes you look like Mr. Clean.
Your mama so fat, it took all the trees to build her a coffin.
Your hair line is curved like a moving train.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?
RUSSIA US A
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.
Walking is just running with extra steps.
VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."