Comparison jokes

73 Earths can fit in Uranus.

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One kneels for salvation.

The other kneels with salivation.

What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One is glowing and the other is blowing.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?

Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.

Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?

They're always cutting.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

Cool people: I can do anything.

Normal people: I can do nothing.

What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?

The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.

Your forehead is deeper than the ocean.

Life is like a penis. It is short.

Your hairline is so far back, even Vegeta laughed at it!