Comparison jokes
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.
What is a difference between a tree and a car? A car 🚙 can drive and [a] tree 🌲 can not drive.
Your forehead is like my dad.
Non-existent.
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
How are genders different than the Twin Towers?
There are two genders.
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
What number is better than 69?
88 'cause you get ate twice.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.