Comparison jokes

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.

My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.

My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.

My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.

300? You are a 3.0.

They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.

Erin like TJ, but his tapeline said no.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.

Yo hairline is bigger than yo mama's booty.

What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.

What's the difference between Obama and Trump?

Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!

What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.