Comparison jokes

Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!

What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

Beets stain your teeth.

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

What is a difference between a tree and a car? A car 🚙 can drive and [a] tree 🌲 can not drive.

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.

Your forehead is like my dad.

Non-existent.

What is the difference between a cow and me?

Nothing.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.

Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.

How are genders different than the Twin Towers?

There are two genders.

Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.

What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?

Several hundred calories.

What's the difference between family and cats...

Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.

What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.

Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.

Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.