Comparison jokes
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.
Your hairline parts faster than Moses parting the Red Sea.
You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.