Comparison jokes
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a Teletubby?
A. The Teletubby is a lot more coherent.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!