Comparison jokes
I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.
If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.
Your hairline is farther back than the Mexican border.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.
Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.
What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?
Presentation.
Your hairline parts faster than Moses parting the Red Sea.
You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
Water was found on Mars.
Mars: 1 Africa: 0
Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.