Comparison jokes
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
My boner had better structural support than the Twin Towers.
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.
Your hairline is so far back my grandpa saw it before you!
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.