Comparison jokes
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What's the difference between a boy and gold?
More people want gold.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
I don't know, what?
They are both purple except for the elephant.
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has rights.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.