Comparison jokes
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.
Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.
Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Head look like a mf gorilla pop.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.