Comedy jokes

Your hairline goes so far back even Dwayne Johnson refused to sit there.

789.

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

What show do gay men watch?

"2 and a Half Men!"

Lol at this one fellas!

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

Snake one: Are we venomous?

Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?

Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)

Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.

You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

Why do basketball players hate gravity?

Because it's always bringing them down.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.