Comedy jokes

I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.

People: Stop joking about such serious issues!

Me: Kill yourself.

I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.

Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.

Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.

Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.

Don’t stop orphan jokes. They’re funny, and people are just mad that they don’t understand the jokes because they're too STUUUPID.

I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.

What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.

After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.

The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"

The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.

Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

[Link to YouTube video]

Who thinks people should stop doing orphan jokes? Type here so we can talk about it.

Spongebob's teeth upside down is the twin towers.

Spongebob: 9 letters

Squarepants: 11 letters

Spongebob did 9/11.