Comedy jokes

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

Snake one: Are we venomous?

Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?

Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)

You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

Sans: "Like, I'm so *flabbergasted*."

Gaster: "👌☼⚐ ✌☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☼✋⚐🕆💧 ☼✋☝☟❄ ☠⚐🕈✍"

I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

What's an Asian's worst nightmare? A tree.

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."

I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.