My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
best friend makes 9/11 joke.
you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."
best friend: "I'm sorry."
you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
"Knock knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
