Comedy jokes
I never get school shooting jokes.
Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
Yo mama so ugly!
The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭