Comedy jokes
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
Your race's favorite Star Wars Characters:
Arab...Admiral Ackbar (Allahu Akbar)
East Asian...Qui-Gon Jinn (Ching-Chong-Wing-Wong)
Jew...Rey (Ray)
Black...BB-8 (BBC)
Italian...Jabba the Hutt (Pizza Hut)
German...Admiral Piett (Hitler)
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
[Link to YouTube video]
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
*JMC*
ANOMALY-931
"Gwen"
Identification: just a stupid animal, with a big ass heart.
Deez nutz!
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
What show do gay men watch?
"2 and a Half Men!"
Lol at this one fellas!