Comedy jokes
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
Yo mama so ugly!
The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭