Comedy jokes

Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?

A. The anti-Family Guy episode.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.

They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.

It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

My wife said I have no sense of direction.

I said, "Where did that come from?"

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.

Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."

your mom

I would make a rape joke, but I'd have to force it down your throat.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?