Comedy jokes

Nobody

Literally nobody

Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?

Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.

MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”

In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

What is Hitler's least favorite month?

Jewly.

Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!

Mom: Exactly.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.