Comedy jokes

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.

How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

A straw.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

Q: What is Trump?

A: An oversized oompa loompa.

No more toilet paper jokes, please.

Friend: You are joking.

Me: Joking on deez nuts.

What is the best joke of all time?

Feminism.

Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.

Why don't paralyzed people laugh?

They hate stand-up comedy.

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.