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Comedy

Comedy jokes

Comedian

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

Orphan

These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?

Number

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

9/11

I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.

Girl

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

Rule

Rules of dark humor.

1. Everything shall be touched.

2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

Cat

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

Blonde

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.

Orphan

In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"

Frog

What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog’s fingers.

Woman

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Movie

"I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friend's house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away."

"I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."

Said no horror movie character ever.

And also GTA logic.