Comedy jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A cow with no front legs walking around?
Beef stroganoff.
You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.
You don't have dreams, you have movies.
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Why can't orphans go to movies?
There PG-13 movies.
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.
Not funny joke.
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog’s fingers.
69.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.
He thought it was eggcellent.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
I think there will be many more jokes afoot! 👣
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Knock knock. Who's there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or dees nuts in yo mouth!)