Comedy jokes

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.

Me. I am the worst joke ever.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

"Ash."

"Ash who?"

"Bless you!"

Why are Helen Keller jokes so funny?

Because she’s blind and deaf.

Q: What’s the difference between me and you?

A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.

Not funny joke.

What's an orphan's least favorite joke?

... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...

What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?

Durrrrrrrr.

59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!

What’s a sheep’s favorite song?

"Baby Don’t Herd Me."

My name is Gwen, and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing. Also, they're getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say, please do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay; I want to hear what you say. Just tell me if they are not funny.

We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying they're good and funny, or people saying they're bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.

Dead baby jokes never get old...

Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?

No, because it never came out...

Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.