Comedy jokes

Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?

"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"

Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."

It's a RUF life in Africa.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Bee Jokes:

"Hello."

"Oh, hello, Buzzy!"

"Why are ya calling me Buzzy this whole time?"

"Because you BEE BUZZing!" (Laughs)

"It's not funny! Jokes are the worst, although I hate those Bee Jokes!"

"Chillax bro. Don't BEE a hater of jokes, dude!" (Laughs)

"Aagh! You always had a choice, but I will sting ya face!"

"No! You BEE like pollen to make HONEY-moon." (Laughs)

"Stoooop!! I'm outta here, your worst fan."

"Fan?"

"Yes, your worst fan!"

"No! Fan!"

"What?! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!"

"Ohhh! Buzzy's looking BEE-wind!" (Laughs)

Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.

I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄

Yeah, I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.

I gave up hope and I liked it!!

I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})

Stop making autism jokes, calling us "retards". It is cool.

Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?

Because he had good taste.

Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"

On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.

I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!

I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.

What's an edible part of a wheelchair?

A vegetable!

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.