Comedy jokes
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Stop with the 9/11 jokes, people. They're just not gonna fly.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but they always crash and burn.
What do you call a midget stripper?
A pocket pussy.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!