Come jokes

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?

“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

That shirt's very becoming on you.

If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

Why did the mailman come to the house?

To come back with the milk.

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

What hood do zombies come from?

Dead Ends.

I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.

(Extra Cholesterol)

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.