Come jokes

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?

“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

That shirt's very becoming on you.

If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

Why did the mailman come to the house?

To come back with the milk.

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

What hood do zombies come from?

Dead Ends.

I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.

(Extra Cholesterol)

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?