Come jokes

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Come, my children, to the bread cult!

What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?

They always come back.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

Q: Why do orphans love playing tennis?

A: Because the ball comes back.

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:

98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!

1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.

Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!

How come I have a father but not a dad?

He was a priest.

what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?

"Here Comes the Sun."

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.