here comes the airplane 9/11 happens the next day
If you'r american when you go in the bathroom and you american when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mothers love Orphan: how come Me: you wouldn’t get it Orphan: . . . .
My friend said they were going to make a come back I told them to do it at the back of the throat
I went to the “lists of women” page on wikipedia and it was blank. either, wikipedia is proving w*men do not exist or john cena decided to come out as transgender
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when a ugly stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her "oh baby you so hot let's fuck" she just yells "get the fuck away you creep" he just laughs and says alright i wait down there.
mommy when will daddy come back? I'm not your mom...
Little Johny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something, Then he sees a plastic di##. He asks his mom whats that and mom didnt now. so when his dad comes home from work he sees him with the plastick di## and says son why uy messing with my personal toy
I told an orphan two never stop talking until their parents come home
Now I can’t get it to shut up
Why do Orphans have gross cakes? Because their dad didn't come home with the milk milk.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners
The lady says, "Come Again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
There's a blind hooker in town. She never sees anyone coming.
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me it comes and goes very easily
How come an orphan cant work for SC Johnson?
because it's a family company.
Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you're going to hug me me: i love you
What do you come a dog with no legs? It don't matter what you it, cause it ain't gonna come to you.
why did hitler get hit by a car? because he did na-zi that coming
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."
