Last words of the captain of the Titanic.... Where's all this water come from??
i was talking to my friend and he said "I lost my virginity to a girl and then she stopped coming to school" and I said "probably because she was fired"
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
How do you find out if your kid is gay? Lock him in a closet and if he comes out his gay if not his dead straight.
Q:What comes before 47?
A: AK
So the other day I was looking up zodiac sign stuff you know im a real big fan of that and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have there own hairstyles... except cancer.
Where animal does Russian milk come from?
moscows
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend..? come
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn't saluting. Why are you not saluting like the others? Hitler barks. "Mein Führer, Im the nurse," she responds "Im not crazy!
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have in common they both come on little white crackers
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing while a man named Chris comes up and asks “which one is yours?” The man said “I don’t know i’m still deciding.”
Girl: Come Over. Orphan: I can't. Girl: My parents aren't home ;) Orphan: Just two things I don't have.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheel chair, she'll come crawling back.
what do you call a lazy gay? someone who comes straight out of the closet,and goes straight to the couch.
I can tell a joke :`)
Twinkle Twinkle there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way I will not be seen again Are you happy I am dead Now you made it to the end
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
