Cold jokes
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
Why did Frozone have a headache? He had brain freeze.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.