A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
Why did Sally's pizza get cold? Because she has no arms.
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
