Close

Close jokes

Robber

You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.

Priest

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

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  • Fridge

    Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

    Religion

    My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

    "Islam it is."

    Memes

    Legend

    Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

    I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

    Sex

    Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.

    Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.

    Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.

    Comment

    Guys, put more comments in.

    We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

    Hell

    None of these jokes are close to funny! Btw, who the hell is Gwen?

    John F. Kennedy

    Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?

    Iceberg

    What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?

    "Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"

    Bear

    I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

    Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

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  • Sun

    🌍: You're so hot!

    🌎: How are you single?

    ☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!

    Concussion

    My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

    He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

    A stone’s throw away, in fact.

    Hairline

    I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

    Overdose

    Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

    They couldn't close the casket.

    People

    There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.

    Now that's a hell of a ghost story!