Christmas jokes
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.