Christmas jokes
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!