Christmas jokes
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Telling jokes is snow problem.
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.