Christmas Jokes

What did your mom get for Christmas?

A big black horse dildo.

What's an orphan's favourite movie? Home Alone

I put the Christmas balls in my sack.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.

What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

What did the cancer doctor say You just got a new Christmas present

Cancer

The image shows three panels. The top left panel is a close-up of a gift wrapped in festive paper. The top right panel shows a cardboard box with a small, rectangular item inside. The bottom panel is a close-up of a cartoon image of two fish, one handing the other a small box. The text reads: "I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box."

Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it's not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana

Kid starts shortcoming people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”

Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.

It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.

Why is Santa make-believe?

Because he is fake!

Telling jokes is snow problem.

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.

What did the homeless person get for Christmas?

- Nothing.

I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”