Christmas jokes
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!