Christmas jokes
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Memes
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.