Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
