Christmas jokes
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Memes
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! đđ
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas presentâcancer!
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasnât opened it yet.
Telling jokes is snow problem.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
Itâs Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Shouldâve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! Heâs the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, itâs not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and weâre going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesnât see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.