Christmas jokes
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
Where do short people disappear on the first of December?
Santa's Workshop.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Memes
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
Telling jokes is snow problem.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.