Christmas jokes
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
Where do short people disappear on the first of December?
Santa's Workshop.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"