What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Christmas Jokes
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Telling jokes is snow problem.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
