Christmas jokes
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.
Why was Santa Santa?
Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"