Christmas jokes
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.