I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
