Christmas jokes

Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?

'Cause they're the ones making the toys.

What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?

Moorry Christmas!

(Even though cows can't really have religions.)

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!

What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!

What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.

What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?

Christmas!

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?

They don’t hang themselves.

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.

Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?

Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.

What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?

Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄

Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?

Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!

Why was Santa Santa?

Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂