children's jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

The suicide squad.

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

Come, my children, to the bread cult!

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.