children's jokes
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!