children's jokes

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.

What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?

A Jacko Lantern!

Me: "I like kids."

Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.

A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.

Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."

"Really?" asked a little girl.

"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."

God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

What does a priest and a clown have in common?

They both make children cry.

What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)

Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.

What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.

When is a rapist safe around children?

When his plans are oven ready.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.