Children jokes
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."
Memes
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
Who is the best at musical chairs?
The kid in the wheelchair.
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."