Children jokes

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?

The orphanage.

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?

Dad: Ask your sister.

Daughter: But I don't have a sister.

Dad: Exactly.

There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.

Why do priests appreciate educated children?

They don't spit.