Children jokes
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
Why do orphans love foster homes?
Because they actually have a home.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
There are 365 days in a year. Orphans have 363 because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day.
Imagine orphans watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Best way of abortion?
Beyblade abortion.
LET IT R.I.P.
Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"
Because it doesn't matter your age.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.
I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.