Children Jokes

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.

A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"

The woman replies, "No, why?"

The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

A cartoon image of Rick Sanchez, a character with light blue hair, is looking slightly to his right with a slightly smirking expression. He's holding a lollipop in his mouth. The text on top reads "Wanna go touch children?" and at the bottom it says "You son of a bitch, I'm in."

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?

The orphanage.

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.