Children jokes

Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

Where did Hitler send kids with ADHD?

Concentration camp.

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.

The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.