Child jokes

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.

Why do orphans hate dodgeball?

Because nobody misses them.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Why do orphans play Sims?

Because they can make themselves a family.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.

Why did the boy get run over?

Sally was driving.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!

I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

1 like = 1 more child in my basement.

How many children does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw.