Child jokes
A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.
“You’re right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.
“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”
My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.