Child jokes

What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?

“Just beat it! Just beat it!”

I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.

What do you call a sneaky child molester?

Incogpedo.

My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.

Why does an orphan love to go to church?

Because they have someone to call father.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One gets picked.... (not the orphan)

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.