Child jokes
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.