Child jokes
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.
Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.