Child jokes

I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.

What do you call a sneaky child molester?

Incogpedo.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?

“Just beat it! Just beat it!”

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

Why does an orphan love to go to church?

Because they have someone to call father.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One gets picked.... (not the orphan)

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.