Child jokes

Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.

Orphan: They're dead.

Me: A promise made is a promise kept.

What's yellow but can't swim?

A bus full of children.

What's red and in a corner?

A baby with a razor blade.

What's green and in a corner?

The same baby three weeks later.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

How to make an orphan's hand bleed? By making them clap until their parents come back.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."

Why did the boy get run over?

Sally was driving.

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

Why is it so easy bullying orphans?

They can’t tell their mom.

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.