Child jokes
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is...
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find the home plate.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer…
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
How do you tell a child they have cancer? With a smile on your face.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What cookie has an orphan never had?
Homemade.