What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
How to make an orphan's hand bleed? By making them clap until their parents come back.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
Why is it so easy bullying orphans?
They can’t tell their mom.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
