Child jokes

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To finally get his milk.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.

What's a child abuser's favorite song?

"Just Beat It!"

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can’t find home.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

Why can't orphans have babies?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.

How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.

Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?

What is an orphan's favorite song? "Lost Boy."

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.