Child jokes
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why did the child throw the butter out of the window?
So she could see a butterfly.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Why can you slap an orphan?
Are they going to tell mommy?
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.