Child jokes

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To finally get his milk.

What's a child abuser's favorite song?

"Just Beat It!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the aeroplane!"

"And here comes the second one!"

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"