Child jokes

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.

Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

What flour do you give an orphan?

Self-raising.

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To finally get his milk.

What's a child abuser's favorite song?

"Just Beat It!"

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the aeroplane!"

"And here comes the second one!"

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.